Just A Dream

2011-12-10T23:22:00.002+08:00

sigh. it's been 1 year already. seems like a year that flashed past the fastest and which i gained the least from...learned nothing much...didn't have much fun... and not a year i would want to remember.

好想再回到那些年的時光.

19 years gone

2011-07-23T22:42:00.002+08:00

Today gave me hope. And soccer was really fun :)

SCS chalet is about to be over since the high key events are starting. Charlie must be the slackest coy for the first 2 weeks cos of our programme, lectures after lectures. i always say that the feeling of having to keep urself awake even though ur are so damn sleepy, listening to some lame info, is worse than being outfield. haha at least when ur outfield ur actually learning some concrete stuff and got some adrenaline? omg the torture of seating down and trying not to sleep...

enjoy life!

2011-07-10T23:47:00.003+08:00

ah well block leave is over. and now i'll be starting on my 'Specialist' journey. hopefully it'll be a new start for me, cos the last few weeks have been very sianz. since after SITest, i dunno but maybe it has been too slack, making me feel sianz and having 2nd thoughts about army, which is probably why i didnt make it to OCS.

dealing with ur personal problems and army at the same time is not easy...maybe OCS would better preoccupy me so that i dun think too much or maybe it would make it worse since training is tougher. whatever im now in SCS leading a slacker life so i'll just try to be the happiest person i can be.

pathetic how 1 person can screw up ur life.

2011-07-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead.
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed.
I've been lonely for so long.
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away.
Just in case I ever need 'em again some day.
I've been setting aside time.
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

2011-07-03T23:13:00.001+08:00

life isn't the same anymore : /

2011-06-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are...

2011-04-21T17:23:00.001+08:00

i realise i can't run away from you...

2011-04-19T20:35:00.002+08:00

Sigh...another memorable journey in my life has come to an end. Never thought i'd be so sad to leave my job in IRAS, was never that close to my colleagues there, but still they're very nice people and so are the supervisors.

I'm so glad i didn't leave at the end of March which would have been way too early. At times it was tough dealing with the huge amount of calls but today there were suddenly very few calls because the peak period is over, and suddenly i missed them. Sometimes you can miss the tough times because tough also means excitement and purpose in your life.

Now is just the right time to quit. 3 weeks before army for me to prepare and everything : )

<3

2011-04-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." - Thomas Edison

2011-04-16T22:47:00.002+08:00

deleted my cbox cos too many spam messages lol. ah sianz 3rd day of teaching violin tmr...dunno how im going to survive.

2011-03-30T22:38:00.001+08:00

i thought the two words would never come out of your mouth, but they did today. but it doesn't make a difference... i truly love you.

2011-03-05T23:14:00.002+08:00

haven't posted for so long. life has just been sianzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

just started work at IRAS call centre on 1st March. so far so good, we get paid during our 9 days of training :D but it's so daunting to handle calls especially for an untalkative guy like me :/ and the information u have to remember is really quite alot...all the stuff related to filing income tax.

luckily all my co-workers are nice. most of the guys just ORD so all they talk about every day is their experiences/army stories. haha some of the stories quite funny, is army really that interesting?? *____* then my own friends who just came out of first 2 weeks of BMT also keep talking about army. haiz whole world talking about army and i dun even know wat school im going to -.- dun find it very impt at all.

if i find the job fun i might stay all the way until the end of income tax filing peak period...which is march 1st to april 18th. well actually the end of april cos sure got ppl file late one. but thats 2 whole months and i also want a good break before i go into army. if i hate the job...try to tahan until end of march!

2011-01-25T13:57:00.003+08:00

earghhhhhh double blow today.

first i went to My Inspiration and asked whether there was a job for relief teaching. and the stupid woman straightaway said 'no' without even asking what instrument i play or what grade i am!!! earghhh either she's a stupid bitch who didn't like my face or the school is really exploding with teachers. i doubt it's the latter cos only 1 month ago some woman called me up and begged me to relief teach? she kept begging my mom to ask to teach and i kept saying like 10 times, they were that desperate cos there were 13 students that needed a relief teacher that day. she had better not be the same woman at the counter today, cos im going to so freaking own her if she ever calls my house again asking me to relief teach.

then right after that i went to the ComfortDelGro Driving Centre at Kovan MRT. haha i couldnt find it ytd cos i didnt expect it to be AT the mrt station itself. wanted to sign up for Basic Theory Test (BTT). guess what, only school candidates (taking up the whole driving course with ComfortDelGro) can sign up for BTT at Kovan. private candidates cannot, must go to the main branch at Ubi. -.- what a freaking stupid policy, i bet they just want to irritate ppl and 'persuade' ppl to join the driving school instead of finding private instructors, it can't be some logistical/financial reason right? everything's online and just needs a click of a button to sign up. this reminds me of the econs stuff about the disadvantages of privatisation.

yup so at the moment im nowhere near starting my real driving lessons/finding a job. i finished the Basic Theory book though, more than half the road signs in there are super old/outdated/irrelevant to Singapore.

2011-01-12T11:52:00.003+08:00

OKAY in order to stop procrastinating...

Things to do:

1. Start learning driving. by the end of next week hopefully, once i get the theory book

2. Call up My Inspiration (music school) and volunteer my teaching services :D by the end of next week!

3. Pick up my violin again (first time since mid 2009 i think, when we had the stayover at my house). of course this should come before (2)...but i have a feeling it may not :/

4. Learn how to cook!!! Time to put all the Gordon Ramsay and Curtis Stone knowledge to use. hahaha yeah right. the last time i tried to crack an egg, it flowed into the sink instead of the bowl LOL. but seriously, i wouldn't mind becoming a chef if not for all the stigma or whatever against guys who like cooking. maybe there isn't any stigma. but my mom kept scolding me for watching all the food shows last time, say damn useless la won't help you in life. I'll give myself until...mid-Feb to start :D

5. Uhm...maybe tutor? JC chem or econs haha. But im really doubtful about this cos it means i have to remug, and i HATE MUGGING. its either tutoring, teach music, or both. whatever i have to start on at least one by the end of next week.

2010-11-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

and now everything's over.

all the mugging...in a way...has come down to nothing.

all 5 subjects, knowing every single topic inside-out, all the intellectual discussions on difficult questions and what-not - no more of all these stuff. for the next 2 years.

i think im one of the few who feel this way D: like everything we've struggled with has gone to waste. after physics MCQ, everyone was like, aiya heck care dun discuss the qns la paper already over. im like, huhh it's over but surely we should know whether the answers we put are correct and where we went wrong?

haha i think i can't stand having 'mistakes' staying in my mind and not correcting them. some people just go 'aiya heck care la seriously can't understand this thing...it probably won't come out anyway'. i love clearing up concepts and learning new stuff actually. i just can't stand MUGGING. the drilling of old stuff into your brain over and over again.

haiz the only thing that matters is the result slip we'll get next year. whether you were hardworking or slack...attentive or inattentive...doesn't freaking matter cos all that matters is the results. THE RESULTS. i seriously dun deserve any B i think, but i might just get 1 or 2 for GP and econs :(

2010-11-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

ahhh okay didnt post yesterday cos i was sick. fell sick right when i entered the ISH lol...got a terrible runny nose and couldnt concentrate at all D: had to go to the toilet 3 times and grab toilet paper.

sick or not...i still shudnt have made the stupid careless mistake for Paper 1 Qn 9...the box question which many many people screwed up. but i screwed it up in a stupid way... 100x^2 instead of 100/x^2.

aiya both papers so easy... kind of wasted sia. do so many prelim papers and face so many guailan mega hard questions, from HCI DHS etc, then sit for this kind of paper. it's a relief but the bell curve won't do us favours :/

2010-11-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

the more i think about it, the more i think im going to lose my A for GP because my whole essay kept using the phrase 'international aid' instead of 'international efforts'. i only realized after the paper the the word was efforts not aid. wtheck la got too excited upon seeing the question.

haiz hopefully Cambridge examiner got compassion, since 'efforts' is mostly 'aid' anyway, so won't mark me down too badly. the biggest problem is that i dun even have a single word of 'effort' in my essay. if the examiner is bitchy he/she will take that as total digression even though i wrote quite in-depth about international aid.

:(((

2010-11-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

Cambridge is PERVERSE. SICK IN THE MIND. what the hell seriously. if it was only a little harder than the 2009 paper (which wasn't that straightforward already), still acceptable. this is like 164,734,309 levels higher than that.

2010-10-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

sigh i hardly talk to some friends now at all. maybe amongst all of us its just me, but i cetainly hope not, but i actually do think of them quite often. i guess i haven't done this in a long time, to admit something like that, and part of the reason is simply because the past year has been so freaking crazily busy. i keep thinking, aiya after this we'll get back together, when life returns to normal. after soccer season, there was CTs, then prelims, and now As.

yes all the craziness ends in a month's time but there's no harm saying it now i guess. i've just been wondering how they've been doing and keeping it inside me and hoping that our friendship isn't dying as we stop talking. to me, it's far from dead obviously as you are still in my heart. :) i've been thinking about all the stuff we should do together after As really.

anyway, found this familiar-sounding Jay Chou song which sounds fantastic to me now :D i think with Jay Chou songs it's always a matter of second time-does-the-trick cos they sound horrible the first time round when you can't hear wat his mumbling about. okay actually even after 10 times you still can't hear, but at least you appreciate the melody and so on :D

2010-10-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

Quite long since I last posted.

Hmmm so what have I been doing recently? Staying at home most of the time, trying to do at least 1 chem/math paper a day. For physics I'm doing the 10 years series book...around 3 topics a day. So far not too bad i guess, just that a few days i felt completely lazy and did like...a fraction of what im supposed to do.

Haha still playing dota at least 3 times a day...as a break from mugging. Like once in the morning, afternoon and night each. :/ Hopefully i will be able to quit by next week :(

Anyway the Physics A level questions are kinda freaking me out...because they are SUPER qualitative! For most of the questions half the marks seems to go to explanation/qualitative answers. And some of the questions/answers are really really weird. Maybe it's just the author's answers which are weird, but some of them seem totally out of our syllabus, like RA stuff, and there's no way I'll be able to write stuff like that in the exam.

hopefully somehow all the questions in the book are the more qualitative/challenging ones that were picked out by the author...cos all the common tests and prelims so far...the physics questions are very much more mathematical/formula-based. like huge difference between A level questions and the ones we've been doing.

okay have to start practising econs essays soon...something which i have not done at all in these 2 years :/ i shall really try to do at least 6 essay qns!

2010-10-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

AABBC. haha the C not for econs but for maths. what a waste! -.-

i just looked at the A levels schedule and its really shitty...all the chem and physics papers spread out and somemore got 2 diff subjects on 1 day one. Sometimes got too many days between papers...sometimes 3 diff subejcts within 2 days. It just sucks cos the papers are not evenly spread out and you have to be mugging 3 diff subjects at 1 time, which i have never tried before (always 1 day 1 subject).

2010-10-02T19:22:00.000+08:00

the last time my math was this bad was in sec 3...where i remember failing almost every single topical quiz/test and my mum collaborated with Kelwyn Ng to force me to hand in maths assignments for him to mark T.T

i guess i really practiced too little this time round...focusing more on physics and chem. all the past maths paper were not even close in difficulty level compared to this one, caught me off guard :/ even stats which i tot wud be free marks.

haha but PnC and probability is still my bane...3/17 marks there. and its a significant proportion of the total marks!! i hope its less for A levels, doesnt make sense that 2 minor topics wud be 10% of the total grade *___*

sigh if not for math, my results would have been almost ideal :/ except the A in GP which still looks impossible :(

2010-09-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

bleargh.

totally in post-prelims mood now. in fact last weekend already :/

now have to write testimonial wtf total mood spoiler. it's just as bad if not worse than mugging. i think i took like 4 hours to write 240 words for SGC -.-

2010-09-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

usually at this stage we would only have 3 papers left and it would be feeling like half the battle is already over. but now we have 9 more DDD;

okay this week is crunch week cos i havent revised much physics/math. as for chem i sort of mugged already (had too, with all the class tests) but i havent done a single revision exercise besides the pchem one :/ there's like 1 whole stack of undone exercises given by Carine Ng and i think i probably can't finish all of them before prelims.

i wonder how some classmates complain of too little chem practice D: seriously hardcore muggers

2010-08-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

damn everyone in class is turning up the heat.

2010-08-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

sometimes reading stuff on Wikipedia can screw with your mind even more than Inception.

i started off by reading the article on Inception, then under the part about the development of the film and some of the concepts inside (eg. lucid dreaming), i went to the article on Penrose stairs. okay no big deal, Penrose stairs are common. then i clicked on the link to impossible objects...where there are more examples of visual 'paradoxes' such as the Penrose triangle and devil's tuning fork. haha the devil's tuning fork is abit harder to figure out than the other 2...but after looking at all 3 for only a short while its easy to figure them out.

then here's the interesting part...under impossible objects there was 1 more example: Necker cube. and this part really opened up my eyes because the 2-dimensional cube, the cube that we draw everyday, is actually an optical illusion O.O and it's actually quite a powerful one because i didn't get it for like 5 mins? stared and stared and reread the article and still dunno what it's talking about haha. then finally i got it and after that my mind began switching between the 2 interpretations every 10 seconds or so...but i still couldn't 'consciously' switch unlike in easier illusions.

it's pretty scary that most people only see the cube from the top and not from the bottom. anyway i read on abit about naive realism vs representative realism vs idealism which can be another mind-blowing thing if you think too much about it. If something as simple as a cube can actually be viewed in 2 ways but most people only see it one way or the other, then maybe what humans 'know' is only our perception of the world and not what the world really is.

another scary story is that of Sidney Bradford, who went blind at 10 months of age but regained sight on both eyes after a cornea transplant at the age of 52. Intoxicated with a new world of colour and motion Bradford became terrified of the sights that he could not, in many cases, understand. He could not recognise humans, or many items he had perceived only by touch. Before surgery Bradford was a skilled machinist, but upon gaining vision, he became confused and unable to work. He committed suicide two years after his operation.

i got a headache after about 30 mins reading all these stuff and thinking about them...brain couldn't handle it D: damn i hope that i will lose my perception of the alternate interpretation of the cube soon, because i dun want to see the cube in 2 freaking different ways and have my brain switching back and forth without control whenever i see it in everyday life (hmmm but maybe it isnt that common in everyday life actually). around 12 hours have passed since i first saw it and i can still see it when i go back to the diagram D:

i wonder how scientists in this field study all these things without going berserk themselves : / haha but its quite interesting 'psychology'. one last thing: i still don't get the Spinning Dancer

2010-08-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

my left eye has been twitching for 2 days in a row already DD:

2010-08-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

haha saw Zhang Yitao at Ion Orchard yesterday. or rather i didnt see him but he saw me and called me by my name : O he actually remembers. haha quite friendly wished me good luck.

anyway Audrey Tan has been a really sucky GP teacher these 2 weeks. thought that maybe it was just my essay outline that was abit 'different' and she cudnt get the point and she raped it. but today the same thing happened to Wayne haha. poor him, i can totally understand how he felt after going thru it. basically Audrey Tan doesn't understand the point ur trying to make, or she understands it but totally ignores it... anyhow she starts saying how ur oversimplifying things blah blah blah. yeah great so how do we NOT oversimplify it/make it better? the teacher comes up with the answer right? or at least gives some inspiration? apparently not. what she does is talk a whole lot of cock, then ask alot of questions that she's supposed to provide the answers to?

typical lesson:

Audrey Tan: "you're oversimplifying the issue ... there's alot more implications than what you just discussed ... and implications for whom? in what way?" blah blah blah more stupid 'rhetorical' questions and lame examples.

Student thinking - huh? okay...so can you answer ur own questions? -.- didnt i list all the examples you raised already? i think you're the one oversimplifying.

screw this. idk whether all other gp teachers are like that so what im saying is nothing new, but Audrey Tan used to be better. sometimes she would raise some point which has some 'wow factor' and makes you think. but recently...her essay advice is seriously, seriously, worse than nothing.

2010-08-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

hmm been playing alot of soccer recently : / damn.

anyway i think im starting to get the hang of not switching on the computer in the morning/afternoon. haha tahan until 10 pm for 2 days already...hopefully i'll keep this up for the next 5 weeks.

it's so close but it seems kinda...surreal. guess that means im not in exam mood yet. but only 3 weeks D: i was in a much better state of mind right from the first week of june hols.

2010-08-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

lol. some people are just so unaware about the state of their relationships. like when you haven't talked to someone in weeks, you would know that your friendships is fading right? apparently not. some people...just live in their own world. i doubt they even think about friends besides those that they are currently talking to. constantly switching between groups of friends...not knowing how their friends actually feel.

ah well, you must always be careful not to take such people seriously, cos what's on their lips - friends forever - is not what's in their hearts. and if you're not careful...you'll break your own heart.

'If the basic unit in the Roman army called the maniple had 120 to 130 men, the equivalent in modern armies called the company is about the same in size - despite wireless infocomm. This is so because it is the mind's ability to track social relationships which matters. The Internet has not changed that. We know which ones really matter: Not all online "friends" are really friends.'

not really related to my post but well, it makes sense.

2010-08-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

sigh. im trying my best and nothing seems to be working... and it's really heartbreaking to see things like that.

2010-07-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

today was our farewell match :) we trashed the j1s 6-0 haha. i think none of us expected to beat them by so much...guess experiences triumphs in the end...and they are kinda arrogant and took the match too lightly. ohwells good luck to them next year :/

so this chapter of my life is finally closed.. haha was full of anticipation ytd and today before the match. couldn't wait to have fun and play one last time with everyone, free of the heavy expectations that we had during season.

but today was also kinda disappointing...no referee..everyone went late..kevin low didnt even appear and show his face. too busy earning money as financial advisor now haiz. and dinner was basically pizza and soft drinks lol...cudnt eat in the hodge lodge and later when we went in there wasnt much to do.

but still, an awesome match and not-too-bad ending :) looking back...i left YO with no regrets at all :))) maybe a slightly worse testimonial, but who cares. what i went through in soccer was so much more valuable and unforgettable.

2010-07-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

Sigh young 32-year-old guy driving, stopping at a junction, and getting crushed to death by a bloody TREE. reminds you that life is precious doesn't it...even when ur perfectly healthy something stupid and disastrous can still happen to you D:

2010-07-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

alright my CT results... (don't read if you'll feel offended, please -_____-")

A for physics
B for math
C for chem
C for gp
D for econs

physics and econs are such a relief. sort of performed below par for the other 3 though :/

shit shit shit im so worried about prelims and As now.

mugging for prelims is going to be so different from mugging for CTs cos everyday you have school and you reach home tired and drained but you have to put in the same amount of hours of mugging as during the june hols, if not more, which i totally cant imagine at all DDD:

plus this time round we need to mug gp to really make sure that we know the topics we're focusing on so time is even more limited.. (i mean at least for me, cos for all the past tests i didn't really mug gp)

2010-07-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

haha in J2 it seems that our 'holidays' aren't during the school holidays but during the school term itself, after CTs are over. yup spent the whole June at home mugging except for 3-4 days, but the last week and a half i've been going out like mad and playing soccer like mad!! super fun :D

i am totally in holiday mood now and i need to snap out of it by this week : /

sianz i've been trying to find a new blogskin but the ones i like all have some glitches and i suck at html so i cant fix them D:

2010-07-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

the past 4 days have been super tiring but fun :) soccer for 5 hours on thursday, going out on friday, Nike cup finals (more soccer) on sunday. ah well last day of full-fledged relaxation tomorrow :|

it'll be hard to get back to the books...

haha just saw Lee Kern Choong's msn display name. can't believe some people can actually think of banning Luis Suarez FOR LIFE. such people obviously don't play soccer or any sports for that matter *___* it's a professional foul, any other player would have done that, even John Pantsil. which player with any semblance of loyalty and pride towards his country would not use his hands to clear the ball at the LAST 10 SECONDS and allow his team to progress?? what a stupid debate raging everywhere, by armchair critics i bet, who've never felt the real passion of a football game before.

2010-07-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

Econs:
screwed up qn 2, only realized in the last 5 mins that i missed out the whole chunk on electronic books (the complement good) -.- only focused on the relationship between printed books and the modern substitutes. earghhh this is what happens when ur too excited, or you're so preoccupied about not wasting time and don't read the question CAREFULLY.

and the stupid econs lecturer who was the chief invigilator or whatever, gave us 30 secs less, and i didnt finish my last sentence D:
the clock was at 1:11 for freaking long and then this type of invigilator no brain one... dunno how to wait until the next minute then start. no wonder her lectures are so fail lol.

Maths/Physics/Chem:
all around the same scenario i guess, never finish the paper cos got some qns abit challenging -.- im kinda surprised i survived each paper cos i didnt practise any exam papers and the day before the exam i was like forgetting basic stuff?? like the brain stuffed to maximum capacity already, all the organic chem i mugged in week 2 flow out when i stuffed my brain with maths/physics/econs.

okay in short...I SURVIVED!!!! and what a crazy one this has been. haha never mugged so consistently day in day out in my life before i think :/

2010-06-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i used to be pretty confident that i would perform "okay" for exams without having to push too hard but i think i've missed so many lessons and skipped doing so many tutorials in the past few months (no thanks to soccer) that now im a little unsure whether i can secure good grades.

basically i have redone almost all the tutorials of all the tested subjects, but time is running out and i dun think i can 100% finish the remaining topics. i haven't done any revision papers :| i don't know whether that is a bad move, i wanted to do the papers the day before each subject's exam but i just realised that the maths and chem revision papers are super long and i can't possibly finish.

maybe i shud have done the revision papers instead of tutorials, i was thinking that tutorials are the best revision cos they cover almost every type of question that can come out. then again, if there's some special qns in the revision papers and something similar comes out during CTs, im screwed.

2010-06-21T00:10:00.000+08:00

this is the most awesome fight ever. too bad someone doesn't like them :(((

2010-06-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

bleargh mugging is sianz but today i watched 2 awesome shows that just made my day :D

the first one is called Hugh's Chicken Run. its about Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (a celebrity chef) running some campaign in UK to get more people to eat free range chicken. in the end his campaign was so successful that "73% of adults claim that they now only buy birds that have "higher welfare" conditions such as the RSPCA's freedom food scheme, free range or organic." (from wikipedia) thats so awesome. 1 man changing people's mindsets haha. i bet in singapore its like 1% or less.

the second show is less 'revolutionary' but more touching i guess. equally inspiring. its called Secret Millionaire USA and in each episode, 2 millionaires (from the same family) will go 'undercover' into the poor areas and visit poor people. at the end they'll reveal their identities to the inspiring people they've met and give them money to help them out. like the episode i watched had a young girl with cancer and her family had no money for the medical fees. and an old woman who spent all her money on accepting homeless kids and raising them up.

when the millionaires gave them the $50,000 cheques it was super touching. haha but the touching part isnt only about how amazing and how strong the poor people are. its also how kind and 'humane' the millionares are? like their personal experience of the whole thing, they're genuinely affected by what they see and knowing how privileged they are. ohwells maybe the millionaires sound kinda elitist and 'haolian' the way im describing it but i swear its the total opposite.

it's sorta resassuring that rich people also have great hearts, most of them anyway. sometimes in life, things are just the way they are and you can't really change them? like how we're the top 5% in the world in terms of wealth and how half the world is living in poverty. the way we donate our spare change and look at videos of people suffering, its similar to how the millionaires go undercover and interact with the poor, or maybe even worse. but does that make us heartless hypocrites? to some extent, yes i guess. hmmm but i guess we can only start thinking about what we should do when we're all grown up and making our own money : /

2010-06-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

this is freaking sick. screwed up dad.

2010-05-26T22:33:00.000+08:00

i recently heard this song on radio and fell in love with it. haha quite an old song but : / i almost couldnt find it but luckily i found it in the end : ) haha seriously shouldnt all radio stations have lists of songs which they play on air? then people who missed the song name (or sometimes its not even said) can go check...

心是一个容器
不停的累积关于你的点点滴滴
虽然我总守口如瓶
思念却满溢溅湿了我眼睛
喔.....

因为我太想念你所以才害怕
这孤独大的不著边际
若此刻能奔向你
紧紧拥抱你
我会毫不迟疑

直觉我们应属于彼此
否则我不会每次无法停止
想你想成了心事
等你等成了坚持
眼中渴望来不及掩饰又如此诚实

直觉我们应属于彼此
否则我不会常常若有所失
白天眨眼瞬间里
夜晚呼吸气息里
都写满了我是多么爱你想你的讯息

2010-05-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

funny how we can love someone so much and also hurt that person so much : |

2010-05-24T17:38:00.000+08:00

why do you keep hurting me.

2010-05-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

damn we just had our last training ever.

feels kinda sad that we'll never go through it again, the sweating, the shouting, the running, everything that made training so tough but makes it so worthwhile and memorable.

guess we dun really care whether we get 3rd or 4th on Thursday but whatever it is we'll still give our best shot :)

2010-05-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

oh wells.

im kinda surprised how i haven't cried yet. maybe cos (1) i already accepted the fact that the odds were against us, maybe around 40-60 (2) i am already happy enough that we have gotten so far.

(2) is especially true cos last year, at this time, i never thought that we could even qualify for the quarterfinals, because the j2s were so much more skillful than us and they still failed to get past the quarters. haha Jiehao can probably remember all my depressing thoughts about how lousy we were and how i thought we were bound to get knocked out. but after 1 year of hardcore training, much more hardcore than what our J2s went through, it sort of made up for our lack of skill.

well anyway MJ werent that fantastic as people make them out to be. if Zhihao hadn't broken his up, im pretty sure the odds would be at least 50-50 or we might even have an advantage. with our key playmaker down we still managed to push them all the way and their goal might have been offside. haha just our bad luck i guess - key player breaks arm, referee allows an offside goal in the semis.

there's still 3rd-4th placing match to go but...the surrealism of soccer and season and everything is starting to fade. it was fun to have worked so fanatically towards a single goal, despite how mentally and physically tiring it was, but now its back to 'real life' and that means studying.

1 last week of training. we'll cherish it :D

2010-05-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

one of our key players just fractured his arm during training today. the j1 guy from sports school. out for the season. semis is still very much open to us to win but without our playmaker...it's gonna be tough.

our bad luck : (

2010-05-02T22:52:00.001+08:00

Soccer semis - 12th May

Soccer finals - 19th May

hopefully our season doesnt end on the 12th : /

2010-05-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

Soccer semis - 12th May

Soccer finals - 19th May

hopefully our season doesnt end on the 12th : /

2010-04-17T11:38:00.000+08:00

group work is my bane. all you're ever judged on is oral presentation and not the effort you've put in. really when i think of the slackers in class who all got A grrr.

but in the real world, as an working adult, your lack of effort will really show through in oral presentations when you don't know your stuff, right? i hope only. unlike in school where you just have to read your script and come up with answers aimed at pacifying the adjudicators but don't really have any backing.

yeah i think i lost my A thanks to a stupid question...1 stupid question which makes up 25% of OP (10% of the whole year's worth of PW???). fine blame the stupid assessment criteria but it was so stupid of me to lose my thoughts at that moment. eargh slap myself.

better 3/5 As than 5 Bs anyway : ) if you can't do it for yourself, do it for others.

2010-04-16T22:33:00.000+08:00

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

2010-04-16T20:26:00.000+08:00

amazing how an oldie like this sounds so refreshing, contemporary and inspiring.
- - -

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're travelling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and release

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Well, don't let them win.
Hey now, hey now
Don't let them win.
Don't let them win, yeah.

2010-04-10T20:15:00.000+08:00

earghhh okay today is such a bad day.

in the morning i went to take the psychometric test for PSC, and then started feeling abit sick. then i epicly screwed up the maths part, cos i dunno wat i was thinking, but i didnt realize that we were only given 20 mins? i sort of heard that it was 20 mins but it just didnt register in my mind or something. and i totally didnt look at the time at all. so i took my own sweet time to do all the maths qns and sometimes even double-checking the answer mentally, which you know takes alot of time as compared to having a mindset in which you know time is very short and being as mentally efficient as possible and chiong thru all the questions?

haha so in the end i only completed the first half of the mathts test + 1 question from the 2nd test. WOW. even if i get all correct its barely a pass. like SCREW. i just screwed up an IQ test for scholarship application cos my mind was totally blanked out and i didnt keep track of the time? im pretty sure that if my brain was in a proper mode i would be able to finish all the questions correctly within time, the questions werent that hard!! but i sort of judged it like exam standard and spent almost 1 min on each question. fail.

anyway i bucked up for the resulting 2 sections but i still couldnt complete the last section on situational analysis on time. left 2 scenarios unanswered.

the only thing i console myself with is that i dun really care about PSC scholarship. but other scholarship boards might use it too?? earghh this is so dumb i hope they dun treat the results of the test seriously, cos my IQ wil show up as 100 or less. haha in the feedback form i gave mostly negative opinions of the test, cos i seriously think it wont be fair to just judge people based on the test.

oh ya anyway forgot to mention that after awhile in there, my runny nose got so bad that i was literally dripping mucus. couldn't tahan and focus at all. then during the break when i got out of the air-con i felt super hot and feverish and think i got a minor bout of sweating (remember entre meeting last year?). i think this is the 3rd or 4th time i have had a sweat attack, but the 1st time was still the most serious and scariest. the other times i got over it within a few minutes cos i sort of know what to expect anyway and i know that it wont result in anything serious (i hope, the docs still dunno wat it is though) so that sort of calms you down when you know that things are as bad as they can get already xD

the 2nd half of the test after the break was even worse la cos my flu got even worse. so basically at the end of everything i felt like shit and knew i couldn't attend afternoon soccer training already :/

2010-04-03T10:59:00.000+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/note.php?note_id=107608652603025&id=751329855&ref=nf

2010-03-27T21:09:00.000+08:00

just cos i haven't been saying much doesn't mean that im unaffected by everything that has happened - im just trying not to think of sad things.

2010-03-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

match postponed today, went back to school for training, broke my specs, bloodied my nose D: sacrifices for soccer...

SR owned AC 2-0. AC look really really bad this year. hmmm it would have been best if they had drawn, more chance for us to top the table. ah well we just have to win all our matches, the hard way if need be, like against NY (we won 1-0).

hope.

- - -

Things that I couldn't see, and things that I didn't know about
Touching on those things really hurts

I want to start crying, I want to run away
With me here, yes, you're not alone

Meaningless efforts or futile meetings
There's no reason for them, so clenching my fist, ding! dong! dang!

No matter how many times I reach out my hand, it won't reach to this flower
When I'm hand in hand with you, I can easily grasp ahold of it

Disagreeing with each other, having misunderstandings
We fight so that we trust each other

Even though I'm hurt today, and wet with tears
Let's go on together to our tomorrow, ding! dong! dang!

Even though we'll graduate, even though we'll grow up
You'll still be you, and I'll still be me

The sky that I look up to continues on endlessly
There shouldn't be a single thing that obstructs it

Meaningless efforts or futile meetings
There's no reason for them, so clenching my fist, ding! dong! dang!

You give me what I'm lacking
I give you what you don't have, ding! dong! dang!

2010-03-14T16:44:00.000+08:00

haven't got much time to blog recently...quite often i see something or think of some topic that i want to write about but after a few hours or days of procrastination i just forget about it haha. sad.

anyway, maths doesnt seem as hard now...i actually can do differentiation hurhur. totally didnt do that tutorial...which in turn led to alot of trouble understanding integration. argh not alot of days left, hopefully i can finish math by wed and do chem for the rest of the hols.

hahah giving up on the notion of studying econs and physics to "keep up" (i dun have to take physics/econs CT cos of season), i think if i do that i'll probably fail chem and maths. oops econs and physics happen to be my weaker subjects. not looking good in the long run : /

2010-02-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

botak once again :D

wow the weather has been terrible lately. so freaking hot...make my palms sweat so much i can't even do any work. sometimes its more than just a nuisance and literally disabling.

anyway CTs and season is coming right up. i want to focus all my energy on soccer and make sure that i give it my best shot, but sadly, we still have to take care of our academics. like that day after mad training, all i wanted to do was hang out with teammates and eat dinner and let my body rest but noo, there had to be an econs test the very next day (i mugged like mad for it but will probably fail).

yup unfortunately i simply dun have the energy to handle everything...so sometimes i dun feel like going early to practise my throw-ins/long balls when i know that i should be doing that if i were a perfect role model right-back. and of course sometimes i just dun bother about my tutorials. i was handling them fine at the start of the year but starting to lag now, obviously.

but right now, i think soccer is more important than CTs. because this is it. my "this is it" time for academics doesnt come until 6 months later... and when i look back i know i have just gone through 1 whole year of soccer training and i dun want it to come to nothing... semi-finals at least!

my dream is for us to walk into Jalan Besar stadium in the finals with my friends and the entire school cheering us on. and we would fight our hearts out, and then it wouldn't matter if we lost, cos we would have felt it already. to be in that type of atmosphere and to be living out our dream.

2010-02-21T11:48:00.000+08:00

whoot scored my 2nd goal ever in yesterday's match :) and this time it was a proper finish not some tap-in-after-goalie-screws-up.

haven't been seeing and talking to my closest friends for damn long :/ haha and they seem to be having so much fun without me. can't wait for season to end and june hols. which is like 3 months more haha =.=

2010-02-19T10:42:00.000+08:00

decided i needed to take a break today. yesterday's training was so shitty, and i felt so bloody tired and sick of everything. i don't get why kevin low has random bursts of temper and always insists that we must score a certain number of goals and really screws us up for no reason. if anything, i think it's lowering our confidence. seriously i think the team could use more encouragement than pressure. we always seem to play well when we are encouraged rather than scolded, and it has been proven time and again. the match in Hang Jebat vs the match against HCI for example. encouraging improves team performance so much more than screaming your mouth off, slamming whiteboards and whatnot.

anyway today is a much-needed break. im not missing much anyway, chem prac, physics lecture and econs tutorial. the econs tutorial is the 2nd main reason lol. i mean i might consider going to school the next day after a shitty training IF there's no risk of meeting the bitchiest teacher ever and getting a white slip for not doing econs tutorial.

haha how self-justifying this post is. i feel so guilty i promise this will be the last time before the CTs ):

2010-02-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

i like this, it's not bad. although the original sounded alot more dramatic and there were no crappy singers using autotune. and no stupid rap at the end. haha i was finding out which soloist's name was what on wikipedia but at the end when all the black singers came in and did their stupid droning i kinda gave up differentiating between them.

i think the world needs more of such songs :)

2010-02-13T15:02:00.000+08:00

beach soccer wasn't as fun as expected, but who cares WE WON :D

hehe first time i felt the sense of winning a soccer comp. since sec 3. totally didn't expect to win, but Jie Hao is always right :) he said we sure win and we did. although not in a very dramatic style, all the games were basically roughing around in the sand and kicking each other's legs and shooting once we get a second of clear space.

felt pretty sianz in the semis and finals actually. legs super bruised, with grain-sized wounds all over the foot (when you kick the ball with sand you get cut). haha lucky managed to survive today's game against RV without screwing up too much.

so didnt do much for the whole of take5 except play soccer. haha not as exciting as i had hoped. but ohwells much better than those ppl who didn't join any sport and just walk around, cos that must bloody boring.

Chinese New Year tmr and i still havent eaten pineapple tarts D:

2010-02-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

yesterday/today was such a mad rush to mug for physics test. lol chiong so much in the end also cannot answer half the questions. oh well guess that's what these tests are for right, to force you to pick up the notes and at least understand the topic. too bad understanding isn't enough, need to practice questions : /

can't wait for Take5!!! hopefully we'll trash the fucking mats at soccer. but anyway even if we don't, playing street (or beach in this case) soccer is super fun : )

hehe shall totally slack today. cos tmr is the last day of school before a super long weekend wh00tttt.

2010-02-03T20:39:00.000+08:00

haha okay finally bored enough for a long period of time to blog...usually i'll either have no time or be too tired/sianz.

anyway Orientation is over. for all the OGLs its apparently mega-sadness and so on cos, well yea cos orientation is over. but for most of us this means that the J1s are gonna flood the school!!! parade square, homerooms, CANTEEN, and just the general corridors. arghhh seriously now i know how last year's J2s felt like when we finished orientation.

after 2 months of holiday, we sort of forgot how it's like to squeeze with other people in school? in fact the last month of school the J2s were busy preparing for A's so it's actually 3 months. i have totally forgotten the feeling of squeezing in the parade square, struggling for space outside the LTs in between lectures when everyone chiong out, and most importantly, QUEUING DAMN LONG FOR FOOD IN THE CANTEEN. ahhh now i suddenly remember how i waited 30 full mins in line at Bishan Cooked Food while idiotic J2s like seetoh cut queue blatantly.

so now it's back to full squeezing and it won't just reduce comfort levels but also waste alot of time. queuing in canteen, switching between lessons. haha i think most of us can forget about taking the lift now. having the school to ourselves this 3 weeks felt so lax and great!

2010-02-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

heehee quite tired nowadays...can't be bothered to post properly, although sometimes i have these thoughts running through my head and i feel like blogging about it but when i sit down here at the comp i dun feel like it anymore : /

soccer and studies blearghhhhh.

love keeps me going : )

2010-01-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

lol this freaky person added me on msn and i accepted thinking it might be someone i know. turns out she's some flirt who adds random email adds and tries to ask them out for sex or sth?

jiggyX says (10:30 AM):
hey who's this?

reneeparco36@hotmail.com says (10:30 AM):
hey, hows it going?

jiggyX says (10:30 AM):
who're you?

reneeparco36@hotmail.com says (10:30 AM):
i'm 20/f your a male right?

jiggyX says (10:30 AM):
nope

reneeparco36@hotmail.com says (10:31 AM):
nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?

jiggyX says (10:31 AM):
www.dota-allstars.com

reneeparco36@hotmail.com says (10:31 AM):
I know a way we can chat and have a better time.. do you cam?

jiggyX says (10:37 AM):
not to you bitch =D
kthxbai

haha i played along for awhile then remove and blocked her :D

2010-01-29T16:37:00.000+08:00

I totally surprised myself today when I looked up and waved, with a faint smile, to a long-lost friend.

Yet deep in my heart I know that it isn't surprising at all.

2010-01-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

Added another super-nice motif from the Gundam SEED soundtrack called Namida : )

2010-01-24T10:31:00.000+08:00

hehe back to listening to Gundam Seed OSTs. Gundam Seed probably has the best OST among all the animes...every piece is just damn amazing. Toshihiko Sahashi is genius!

You and I, Unfulfilled Feelings is beautiful :)

2010-01-19T21:20:00.000+08:00

lol our coach finally realized that we are overtraining and that's why so many people are getting injuries or falling sick. this week sprints and intervals cancelled : ) haha still 5 days of training but good enough relief for us already.

inching closer to season...

i don't believe in destiny.

2010-01-16T11:19:00.000+08:00

darn i'm feeling the pressure now. i don't like what the coach said one bit. on one hand, although it does show his confidence in me and that im probably the 1st choice right now, its totally stupid to say it to the whole squad. seriously. now all the pressure is on me. if i don't live up to the damn massive expectations or screw up or something, there's no saving grace already la.

i would have much preferred him to not say so much, at most one sentence saying i played well, then at least i know im on the right track, and i just need to continue focusing on the sidelines, so to speak. i HATE being in the limelight. i hate being a Daniel Ng. hate it the way the coach has 'favourites'. just appreciate me for who i am, or the value i bring to the team, rather than say i worked extra hard or i had supposedly more desire than the rest of the team.

the honest truth is, i didn't and i don't. who can have extra desire or motivation when we are training 6 days a week, together with school lessons? we're all in this together, and i think we're really sort of training for each other now. sigh anyway i think i have to try even harder to be at the top now...it's so damn pressurizing and stressful.

lol i shall be random now. stuff going on around the world have been quite exciting. like the Burj Khalif, isn't it so amazing that it's taller than the 2nd-tallest building by 300 m? that is like a thrashing lol. i can't imagine standing at the base of the building and looking up and trying to see the top. it's hard enough with skyscrapers in singapore. imagine 4 times that height *___* ahhh i want to see the view from the top!

and Resorts World Singapore! omg so exciting. 30,000 visitors a day to Universal Studios, darn i wonder whether there'll be a short-queue day. haha pretty sad tho, i pretty much flipped through most of the stories on the IR. exciting, yes, but kind of distant too. like it's not really in singapore and we won't be able to visit it anytime soon. yeah J2. studies )):

2010-01-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

just rediscovered one of those famous tunes which you don't know the name of, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence. the composer's brilliant. film score composers really deserve as much credit as classical composers. i mean, just compare John Williams' Jurassic Park main title track to one of the famous symphonies by whatever big-name classical composer, can you really say that it requires less genius to write the movie track?

anyway, on to more tiresome things. today's core workout after gym consisted of:

50 crunches
40 oblique crunches on each side (80 total)
40 'pendulums' on each side (80 total)
40 toe touches each side (80 total)
40 V-sit and twists each side (80 total)
2 front planks, 2 side planks on each side, 60 seconds each (6 total)
2 sets of bicycle crunches, 60 secs each
2 sets of 'superman' (back raiser), 60 secs each

thats a total of 370 reps for the countable ab exercises, and 10 mins of holding-on-and-gritting-ur-teeth-while-ur-abs-burn of the holding exercises.

if anything, i want to win A div so that we can show the fucking mats who think that they're so pro and that we lack the skill to win, what we really can do with sheer hard work. owned them in ISH soccer during open house today anyway, playing with Daniel Lim and Jie Hao for the first time in 1+ year...damn it was totally fun. we just have telepathy and perfect understanding, don't we? all the nice moves and combos =D

2010-01-10T15:42:00.000+08:00

haha I conclude that Taylor Swift can actually sing, just that she's so horrible on some days that she probably sings worse than an average non-tone-deaf girl. maybe it depends on the song too. Love Story seems to be quite hard to sing o.0

GOOD:

2010-01-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

school starts tomorrow.

haven't finished GP essay and AQ on Animal Farm. and mugged for chem test. i hope chem test isn't on monday cos it really wouldnt benefit me if i just get close to 0 marks cos i didnt study for it.

sigh suddenly i just feel that last year was so fun. ahhh and it passed damn fast too. J1 was really fun. cos of the super prolonged extensive soccer training, im feeling that last year was so long ago. like my whole jc 1 was about soccer. haha then when i think clearly i suddenly remember how torturous it was and how time seemed to slow down so much when there was promos and PW etc. Same thing is happening now for soccer i guess.

2010-01-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

soccer training everyday is fucking sianz.

am i going to survive this shit.

are we going to win.

2010-01-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

sigh i should have just pretended i went on holiday and missed the last 2 weeks of training and matches. cos the training with the sec 4s was so unproductive and after just returning from malaysia trip, my injuries really got worse. even in msia after the first 2 matches, for the rest of the camp knees pain alr, sometimes ankle. but still bore with it cos i thought after coming back there would be at least 5 days break (not 3) -_____-"

anyway i always dun dare to ask Kevin Low if i can skip any match or training cos of injury cos he's so rigid. like he'll probably want everyone to train until they are really injured and cannot move, which by then is really bad and you're screwed for a few weeks. i hope i dun reach that stage. but at this rate... every training my knee seems to be getting worse. my worst fear is that i totally screw it before season and get left out of the squad. i swear i gotta be more careful cos if that happens i'll commit suicide or sth.

another thing is that i haven't really been performing to my best ability cos of injury. which is damn irritating cos u dunno whether the coach knows that you have an injury? during matches it's becoming difficult to run continuously without feeling pain. especially twisting motions around the knee. and yeah it does affect performance.

sigh soccer training in full swing now...sucks to be us.

2010-01-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

lol right so it's the 'new year'...whatever. really just feels like the one long stretch...no ending from the previous year or start to the next year...JC life haiz. hmm maybe its especially cos of soccer.

You'll be fine tomorrow
The sun will rise again
It's never easy to say goodbye
You know I'll always love you
You know I always will

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
My old friend
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
We've reached the end

2009-12-30T19:22:00.000+08:00

sigh. : (

2009-12-29T21:32:00.000+08:00

I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of it leaves me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we were delicate and small
And the space between needs a redemption

I see you in front of me, as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave, this daydream yet

And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love

I don't have to worry any more
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought that I'll be there is my protection
I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head
And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets

And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love

You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love

So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love

haha really love this song. can't believe it didn't make it into the top 100 when it was released. this is great!

2009-12-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

2009-12-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

haha haven't made a proper post in so long.

today i woke up at 7 am to reach school at 830 to play soccer, supposedly, with current RISE members and alumni. checked with daniel and adriel the day before and it sounded like it was still on. haha guess what...only me and daniel turned up. wonderful. felt like total idiots. everyone else probably decided that since no1 reminded them the night before that the thing was on, then they should just forget about it and sleep the whole morning. total organizational failure. someone remind me that i should never have any faith in RISE cos its...screwed up?

anyway while waiting for the RISE members to turn up (fat hope), champion daniel lim went to call jiehao, waking him up from his sleep, telling him to come RI play soccer cos there was only 2 of us. despite me telling him not to do that. so after waiting 30+ mins, me and daniel wen to J8 Macs to eat. and when we reached there, Daniel's phone started ringing. it was Jie Hao calling him. oh whoops. Jie Hao actually had as much faith in us as we had faith in RISE, and was waiting at RI. haha daniel basically just sabo-ed Jie Hao and wasted his whole morning.

after that daniel went off somewhere, jiehao went home, and i went to thomson to play 1 game of dota, then eat lunch at Longhouse, then take bus back to school for the match. it rained super heavily and the match was delayed for...i think around 30 mins? lost track of time. we lost damn badly 5-1 or 6-1 cos the seniors are damn pro and all our scholars are overseas so we were playing alot of sec 4s. haha consolation for me i scored the goal : )

2009-12-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

Walking through a dream
I see you
My light in darkness breathing hope of new life
Now I live through you and you through me
Enchanting
I pray in my heart that this dream never ends

I see me through your eyes
Living through life flying high
Your life shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I live through your love

You teach me how to see
All that’s beautiful
My senses touch your word I never pictured
Now I give my hope to you
I surrender
I pray in my heart that this world never ends

I see me through your eyes
Living through life flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life
I offer my love, for you

When my heart was never open
(and my spirit never free)
To the world that you have shown me
But my eyes could not division
All the colours of love and of life ever more
Evermore

(I see me through your eyes)
I see me through your eyes
(Living through life flying high)
Flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
And live through your love
And live through your life

I see you
I see you

2009-12-22T20:03:00.000+08:00

11 days without a decent bed, internet, computer, handphone, and dunno what else.

it was tiring, but definitely a great time for me and the team...

i think i might have just broken into the first 11.

i was so looking forward to coming back! to go out with all of you and catch up with life. 11 days totally cut off from the world. gosh what have i missed?

but tonight, im actually feeling kinda sad. cos malaysia was a real getaway. now im back home and all the troubles are flooding my mind.

2009-12-12T00:34:00.000+08:00

okay off I go to Malaacca! soccer camp from 12th to 22nd

hope i don't die badly there from overtraining and shitty living conditions.

will miss you loads.

2009-12-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

lol im so pathetic.

sent a super long sms to my coach yesterday night to tell him how i feel, and ask for more chances to play. i had hoped to start today's match, but no, the "more chances" i got was basically a substitution with 30 mins left, and when the team was playing badly.

then i went to talk to the coach. talked for 1 whole hour. at first he totally didn't want to say that he was playing daniel so often cos exco is automatically in first 20 and so must play daniel to give him exposure. but soon enough that reason came out. and i think he recognized the fact that i was better than daniel. but he said that i must be MUCH better, like 2 levels higher than daniel, to play. actually i do think that i can easily be 2 or 3 levels higher if i get more exposure. but anyway, so much for fairness.

so during the malaysia trip, im going to be given chances to play, and if i screw up, that's it. again, so much for fairness. cos how many times has the current first choice right-back screwed up? i can't afford any mistakes. i have to deliver. i have to prove that im a much better player.

and hopefully, i will be able to. i know i have the potential to, its just a matter of whether i screw up on the pitch.

anyway, my trip to ICA completely summed up all the shit in my life right now. i went there, queued for 2+ hours, and when it came to my turn to get my new biometric updated passport, the person said i need to bring my old passport to exchange. FML.

i remember quite a few months ago, there was also a period when i was very down, and again there was some incident which totally capped off my bad shit. i can't remember tho. but very similar to how soccer is totally screwed up for me now and then i went to ICA and wasted fucking 3 hours in total.

oh come on.

2009-12-02T21:12:00.000+08:00

okay life every day is just training -> nap/play comp -> play comp -> sleep

haha it's so boring i even contemplated revising organic chem. or rather, reading thru. don't even know the stuff in the first place how to revise.

anyway, our soccer coach (and assistant coach) set up this "study programme" thing for soccer boys. apparently it has existed ever since soccer was started. lol basically the objective is to help us in our studies since training is so tough and alot of people get lousy grades. haha so noble right.

but anyway we all found out yesterday (the first day of the programme) that the whole thing is basically crap. none of the words study/programme/teaching/lesson/learning can be used to describe it. for maths, all we got is 26 P&C questions photocopied from some book. for GP, Luke Lu (the assistant coach) taught us primary school stuff about noun/verb/adjective/adverb for an amazing 5 minutes, then gave us a worksheet with the poem Jabberwocky to identify which words are nouns/verbs/adjectives/adverbs, plus a short passage (which he admitted that he wrote in 5 mins) with 3 words as vocab exercise.

lol so basically, there's no teaching at all and this study programme thing is just us getting worksheets and doing them. at least photocopied maths questions are okay and force you to start revising maths, but the GP thing was total shit? we finished the worksheet in 10 mins and went home -______-"

anyway, just a quote from Leona Lewis on her new single 'Happy' (currently my blog song)

It's a contradiction of song because, yes, it's named "Happy", but the song's
kind of dark, a bit sad, sombre. In my songs I want people to go on a journey, and [to get to] happiness, you go through a lot of pain and sadness to get
there sometimes and that's what we wanted to convey on the song.

2009-11-29T17:58:00.000+08:00

I just realized I have been really shitty to some people who have always been there for me.

It's just that sometimes I dislike some of the things they do but really, I realize how important they are in the bigger picture.

Thanks guys for being happy for me...it really touches me alot.

I really treasure all of you :'( *sniff sniff*

2009-11-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know this could be something
Cause everything you do
And words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And I am left with nothing

So maybe its true
That I cant live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
Cause when i close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

Then maybe its true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
I'm thinking two is better than one

(oh yeah)
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey

Maybe it's true
That I cant live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking
That I cant live without you
Cause maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I've figured out
When all is said and done

Two is better than one
Two is better than one.

2009-11-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

tonight was soo sweeeet : )

wish i could relive it.

2009-11-27T20:03:00.000+08:00

class learning journey to Marina Barrage today! (:

it was neither bad nor very good...okay lah lol. maybe cos we didn't have a guided tour, which would have made stuff alot more interesting. without a guide we just walk around all the places and try our best to appreciate the stuff there *___*

i tot the gallery was quite cool, except that i totally didn't read ALOT of stuff cos they went to make the displays so fanciful, some boards abit small and others in the dark, look nice overall only but nobody want to read.

haha and i remember some people told me the milkshake at Marina Barrage was super nice so i went to buy! at first it was really quite nice until i drank until 1/3 left then my mouth got numb to the taste. at the end i was really damn bloated. haha but $4.50 ouch. could have done without it...

and the snacks that Shijia bought were damn nice also. Tim Tam. and the soft biscuits coated with chocolate, i never ate those before and they're damn nice :D and of course somebody's favourite Hello Panda and Wang Wang :D

then after learning journey went to JustAcia to eat. i was damn reluctant at first cos i got scammed by the dumplings last time -.- but this time i ordered the 2nd cheapest thing on the menu which was spicy chicken and it was much better :D

a day without soccer training is a much needed break.

2009-11-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

haha picked up my violin for the first time in 11 months on Sunday morning (during stayover!)

wow haha. i can't even play 4th positions and higher and E string in tune now. hahaha. at least my tone still sounds okay for G D A strings 3rd positions and below. E string and 4th positions all sound horribly out of tune and freaky bad tone.

haha i expected to deprove but now that the truth has struck...its abit hard to take : / argh i can't play a shit now. 13 years to slowly improve and only 11 months to lose it all eh. or rather, if i wait like 1 more year, then i would really lose it all.

hopefully we really try to jam together so that i have motivation to practise and pick up the feel of the violin again.

2009-11-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

Maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now
And maybe someday
We'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Now wait
Try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away
Then maybe you can change you mind
You can run
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's goof to be someone

I don't wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
But tell it to me slow

Maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now
And maybe someday
We'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

2009-11-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

bloody Kamel cancelled physics tutorial which was FIRST PERIOD today. and our next period was 4th period. the whole class was damn pissed cos we could have slept 3 hours more.

luckily i went to library and watched a movie - The Last Legion. hmmm it's really not bad. except for the anti-climax ending. but haven't watched such heroic epics in a long time. i love medieval fighting stuff haha. everything was good except that i hate wearing earphones -.- i dunno why but it hurts my ears ALOT and makes it damn uncomfortable. and those on airplanes are like the worst of the worst, total discomfort.

anyway, today is about the first time that i thought SERIOUSLY about ponning school. firstly because of the cancelled physics lesson which made me totally sianz. secondly also the go-to-lectures-and-dont-understand-a-shit thing finally got to saturation point today and i felt like totally giving up and not listening during chem lecture today. and when they do tutorials its just as bad.

for someone who is probably one of the first people in class who wouldnt even think about ponning lessons, this shows that the post-promos situation is really really really bad and i wonder if the lessons are even having any substantial benefit on everyone besides those smart RA peeps.

2009-11-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

you know, for a moment i REALLY thought that i was going to play a big part in today's match against SRJC.

i thought that MAYBE last week's game against JJC, i didn't play cos the coach wanted to give Daniel and Wee Meng experience. or that he was saving me for a more important school.

then when the coach picked Daniel, i REALLY thought that MAYBE he was just playing the 2nd choice full-backs because he also picked Gia and left Anh out. so MAYBE he would be playing the 1st choice full-backs (hopefully me) in 2nd half.

then when the coach asked Wee Meng to warm up around halfway through the 1st half, i STILL thought that MAYBE he was really playing the 1st choice full-backs in 2nd half.

then when the coach asked me and Alvan to warm up right at the start of the 2nd half, i REALLY thought that everything was going as i thought it MIGHT go.

then we warmed up. jogged up and down the track with warm-up exercises.

10 minutes passed.

20 minutes. Alvan went in.

30 minutes. By this time i already realized the truth. fucked up.

30+++ minutes. the coach called me over and told me to go in for Wee Meng. and guess what? i don't substitute him, as usual. instead i go in right-wing and Zhihao (DSA winger) moves back to right-back, supposedly to use the long-ball-from-full-back strategy. right so basically i was subbed in for the last 10 or less minutes of the 80 minute game, and i wasn't even subbed in so that i could play properly and show that i can play right-back. i was subbed in just to be a useless scapegoat so that other people can change position and follow the coach's stupid strategy.

lol anyway the long-ball thing failed so badly, and i was running around like a chicken on the wings so poorly, because i can't play winger for nuts, that Zhihao approached me like 2 mins b4 the end and asked us to just secretly switch position. and lo and behold, suddenly we got a few chances.

fucked up tactics, fucked up team selection, i don't know why i ever had faith in his words or actually believed all the things stated above. because seriously, i got SCAMMED. im like getting USED every single day, i don't know what the shit i did to offend the coach or anything, and im obviously the best fucking right-back in the team and everyone in the team can see that except Daniel (or maybe even he can).

and all the words and inspiring stuff that the coach sometimes say, maybe they are just to pacify us? to make us happy while he does his stuff? because i really believed that he recognized me as a good player like he told the exco, but now he's just eating his words eh.

im just damn sick of all the shit i have received for 10 months and i sometimes wonder how other people would feel if they were in my position. and why im so damn unlucky.

oh did i mention that in last week's game he told me to warm-up 10 mins before the end? obviously i didn't go in. maybe because he wasn't even intending to sub me in. he just told me to warm up for some obscure reason, maybe to test whether im having some 'attitude' against him, or maybe to 'pacify' me by reminding me im not forgotten. the latter certainly didn't work because i just feel fucking USED.

2009-11-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

are we even thinking the same thing? i thought the lecture was great but apparently not. now im unsure ):

nevertheless today was fantastic.

haha soccer ppl reading my blog thanks. but relax soccer isn't the only thing that's affecting me although it plays a huge part i guess. like how i ate noodles and then added 1 bowl of rice that day, just thinking so that i could have more energy to play in the match later, and in the end i just sat at the side and all the carbo became fats.

damn is it just my imagination or has my eyesight become blur -.- when i put on contacts for Thursday's match my eyes really hurt but i decided to just bear with it for like 5 hours. then after i took them out my eyes were quite blurry and still are. fark.

2009-11-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

words can't express my frustation, despair, sadness at everything.

2009-11-12T21:17:00.000+08:00

PW is finally over.

all the hard work i put in...will probably just rot away now.

the GPP and Research outlines sit in the PW file. draft EoMS, PIs, scripts.

damn PW has made this year hellish.

but still, i cant help but feel just a little sense of emptiness. after all, countless hours were put in. i got to know our topic and project so well...the case study and conservation area...that its kinda like real passion for the project. maybe i actually had this passion all along?

ah well my groupmates probably think totally differently from me. after all some of them couldnt even be bothered to put in 10% of the time i did. still i should be grateful right? not everybody is perfect. and my group had no major conflicts i think, we worked along well. hopefully everyone is happy and we will get our A next year.

now that the work is gone, im left alone with all my trapped emotions that i desperately, really need someone to just release me from. totally been keeping quiet and not saying much, but yeah. sigh.

2009-11-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

today gives me hope : )

oh but also revealed how 2 guys in my class are total assholes. adding to that is the fact that 1 of them last time said that if i wasn't his friend and he found my lost wallet, he would have koped all the money. and he said it not just once but a few times to diff people and damn seriously. amoral...

oh wells hes losing my respect. he wouldnt care anyway since he's so 'popular' i guess.

2009-11-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

sigh what's wrong between us? :(

2009-11-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

Last civics lesson of the year today was...can't really describe. had reflections followed by some write-positive-comments-about-each-other thing.

lol all i can say is, never trust this kind of bullshit. even the most screwed up people can come up with the most thoughtful, sensible, and fantastic sounding reflections. and also write lovely and thoughtful comments on paper too.

haha of course Chan Mingjie made a stupid comment about his objective during the hols is to suntan. okay he's THE exception to my above opinion. he can't hide his retardedness.